IC INBOX • EACHDRAIDH

[bolincredible]

[ BOLIN CAN'T ANSWER HIS... LOCKET... RIGHT NOW, I GUESS. Or he doesn't have anything to answer yet. Who knows. Who ever even knows. ]

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[sangilak]

[ there's a bristling along korra's spine again and, momentarily forgetting that bolin is a friend and not a target, korra slides into her training and immediately takes advantage of bolin's stumble. ]

I'm so sick— [ and she punctuates her words with another sweep of her leg to knock bolin down onto his back ] — of waiting for the right time!

[ and if she's successful in knocking poor bo over, she'll hold herself over him, hands on her hips. ]

That's the person who almost killed Mako!

[bolincredible]

[ he's totally going down here tbh. trying to talk through life problems and do a thing you perhaps don't necessarily have your heart in will do a lot for openings. worst impromptu sparring partner right now i'm sorry. ]

Wait, that was- What? [ WELL SHIT.

Just the person who almost killed his brother, eating her dinner and making casual conversation with people at the table. Calm and collected, while people kept Korra from trying to break her face.

No big deal. ]

[sangilak]

[ actually that makes bolin the best impromptu sparring partner right now because when he goes down, korra actually feels like she's accomplished something. though really, when she comes down from her adrenaline high she'll feel bad for taking advantage of bolin like that. ]

Yeah, you heard me! [ but her voice trembles and she looks like she could set something on fire, which makes it good that her bending is nerfed here.

otherwise she'd burn every tree to the ground. ] Just sitting there with that smug face and acting like nothing was wrong!

[ and she feels helpless, so, so helpless because she can't do anything to make things even between herself and grell. she knows almost nothing about the reaper other than the fact that she has a crazy powerful weapon and — there's nothing she can do. korra's never been one for cold-blooded revenge, but a dark part of her feels that she'd be okay being the one to claim grell's shard.

she can't say that, though. she can't put words to that dark part of her because she doesn't want to shed light in the shadows. that part needs to stay under wraps because korra doesn't want to slide down that slippery slope.

protection is her motivation. protection, not murder.

but as she stands there, going over and over this in her head, she feels her hands start to shake, closing her eyes tightly as she fights back tears, hating this feeling. this is almost as bad as facing down amon and knowing there's no way she can defend or attack against someone with a psychic connection to his bloodbending. the breath she draws into her trembles and she has to take a step back. ]

I was so scared... [ her voice is quiet, matching how tiny she feels in this great big war. ] I thought—... I was too late.

[bolincredible]

[ Okay, all that considered, he can't really hold the launching thing against her, per se. Not that he was to begin with, but this... brings a new light to the situation. An understanding.

It was hard for him to reconcile so intimately with the idea of how easy it is, to get separated from your family and not have everyone make it back-- and it's so easy, and that knowledge is old but familiar enough for him to push aside and keep moving after a certain point. Old necessities. And Mako did make it back, even if only barely. It's the lesson without the payment. This time they're just lucky.

For Korra, though- Korra the Avatar, Korra the life preserver, who kind of showed up one day and kept everything that was about to sink afloat- it must have been torture. Even before having to sit through dinner like that. He still thinks it's probably better that she didn't get there, but. He can understand. And understanding is usually a good foot forward. Bolin lets out a long breath that isn't quite a sigh, and spares himself a second to be glad that they sort of have a talking arrangement.

Better watch out, teammate, because once he pushes himself back to his feet he's trying to go in for the hug, for better or worse. ]

[sangilak]

[ and korra rocks back on her heels from the impact of bolin's body against hers, and it takes her a few moments of feeling their hearts beating together before she wraps her arms around bo's torso and hides her face against his shoulder. because it was torture, knowing there was nothing she could do at that moment and knowing if she even ever did try to do something about it she might fall down into that pit and never recover.

silently, her shoulders start to tremble, and she tightens her hold on her friend.

it's so scary, knowing where they are and what they're expected to do, knowing that at any moment she could lose her mind to her emotions — get angry, get that need to react and not listen to the part of her head that says no, no, no, you're better than this. it's scary watching your best friend get almost torn apart with a weapon you don't understand. it's utterly horrifying knowing that his family is here and likely to suffer a similar fate if she can't keep an eye on him. and she has to. she promised.

as hot tears press to her cheeks, korra feels the shift of mako's scarf around her neck, suddenly becoming itchy and distracting, and it's probably the only thing keeping her from breaking down right now. ]

I don't wanna be Kyoshi. [ it slips out in between quiet sobs as her fingers grip bolin's shirt more tightly, feeling her hands shake with the effort. of course when she was learning about the past avatars she admired kyoshi for being a beacon of female strength, someone korra could relate to — but she always wanted to continue on aang's legacy, to bring balance and peace even through her own means, and she never saw killing people as a means to that end. ] I could have killed her and whenever I see her face, I want to.

[ and there it goes. light, like her tears, comes pouring forth onto that darkest part of her as she finds she can't deny it any longer. she's not even sure if bolin will understand; all she knows is that bolin's never judged her in the past. it's why she clings to him so tightly now as her sobs slowly build in volume as she struggles to speak. ]

But I can't— I don't—... I'm the Avatar, [ she says finally through another sob, ] shouldn't I be fighting against that?

flops

[bolincredible]

I don't know. I'm sorry. [ He wishes there were a way to say some kind of magic words that would make everything better. Maybe if he keeps having to wish for it enough as time goes by here, eventually something will make it happen. Opportunities sure haven't been in short supply. What good is it doing him not to turn his back on people when they're down if he can't even help them in the first place?

Bolin swallows against a lump in his throat and shuts his eyes. He can understand what she's saying, he can understand the reasons (because out of everyone, when it comes to Mako, Korra has to be the closest person to understanding what he's feeling: and in that vein, he must be closest to understanding her end of things), even if he can't really understand what it's like to feel that way at the same time.

It's hard to imagine wanting someone dead. Harder to imagine wanting to do it personally. But he's never been good at that kind of thing anyway, even when he's probably needed to be. ]

But I think-- [ He tightens his grip in turn, because life would be so much easier if loving people enough made their problems go away, and because he's tired of the way this place keeps hurting them. ]

I think there isn't anything wrong with being scared right now. [ All three of them are scared right now, or he's pretty sure that's the case. Frankly, if it's wrong, he doesn't want to be right. ] And I think if knowing you want to do it hurts this much... you kind of know that you really don't want to want to. And that's- that's a good thing, right?